Review my personal statement based on the comments below and polish it to make it better
Comment:You’re off to a good start with your responses here. As you continue to work on your personal statements, keep the following points in mind:
1) The UC responses can be up to 350 words in length each. Try to get as close to that as you can for each response–if your response is too short, the reader might think you rushed. So, for example, the second response should be developed further. (Be sure to check the word count for the others too–between 320-350 words is a good spot.)
2) It’s great that you’re sharing so many different examples about yourself–this shows you as more than just a student. For the greatest talent answer, focus on one–the prompt asks for one, so giving three points can make the response too crowded.
3) Try to split each response into 2-3 paragraphs. That way, your reader can focus on one idea at a time.
Also, if you’d like, the Writing Center helps out a lot of students with personal statements–even though the location is closed, you can meet with a tutor online: