Revise the essay

The first file is the guidelines for essay. The second file my essay.

I pick the first topic ‘TV show’. Professor give me the comment and I want you to revise the essay and make it better.

The following is the comments.

Hello,

I read your draft over, and it’s a start, but there are some things to work on:

1. As is consistent with a draft, the style, grammar, etc. need polishing.

2. Some of your ideas are not particularly connected to American culture, values, politics, etc. And even when they are, I’m not 100% clear what you mean. For example, what does it mean that American family structure has changed? I think each of your ideas needs to be clearer.

3. Your evidence could be explained better.

4. You need a conclusion.