Working Thesis Connie feels emotionally disconnected from her family, writing homework help

In your responses, post at least 100 words and evaluate your colleague’s paragraph and/or self‐evaluation. Do you agree with his/her responses to the questions? What else could he/she do to develop stronger body paragraphs?

Working Thesis –

Connie feels emotionally disconnected and uncared for by her family, and for these reasons she begins to make questionable decisions, which result in the ultimate demise of her future.

Body Paragraph –

Connie feels emotionally disconnected from her family. She liked to look in the mirror at herself and her mother often made rude comments about it. For example, Oates (1966) quotes her mother saying, “Stop looking at yourself. Who are you? You think you are so pretty” (para. 1). She was often compared to her older sister in a demeaning manner, who Connie described as “chunky” and “steady” (Oates, 1966). Her father didn’t seem to care much about her or any of the happenings in the family, and listened to her mother’s comments towards her with no regard. “He didn’t bother talking too much to them, but around his bent head Connie’s mother kept picking at her…” (Oates, 1966, para. 3). Further, Mancelos (2013), in his analysis entitled The Dynamics of Coercion and Fear in “Where are you going, where have you been?”, a Story by Joyce Carol Oates, talks about the absence of Connie’s parents in her education, and the fact that Connie’s parent’s names were not mentioned in the story as a symbolization of their insignificance in her life (pg. 120, 122-123).

References

Mancelos, J. (2013). The dynamics of coercion and fear in ‘Where are you going, where have you been’: a story by Joyce Carol Oates. Journal: Mathesis. Universidade Catolica Pourtuguesa 

Oates, J.C. (1966). Where are you going, where have you been?. Retrieved from https://www.d.umn.edu/~csigler/PDF%20files/oates_going.pdf

·My working thesis directly correlates with my topic sentence. It is the first idea that is expressed in my thesis, and the body paragraph further expands on that idea. I think that this is very clear to readers and does not need explanation. 

·I chose the actually story as my primary reference source. Using quotes and ideas from the actual story are essential when explain elements within it. The secondary reference source I chose to use because it further explains and supports the ideas that are expressed in the topic sentence. 

·I don’t think the paragraph contains any unnecessary information. It is all ideas and examples that support the topic sentence. 

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